Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
