i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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