if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
