I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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