Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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