just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
