we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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