Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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