I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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