is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
