whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
