Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
