i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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