how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
