What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
