made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
