Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
