I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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