This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
