Say something about gay babies.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't turn off my feet"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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