She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize