The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
