Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
