I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
