I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
