I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
