I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
