I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
His hands were made for my vagina.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
