i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
