Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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