apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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