Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
