no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
