my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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