we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize