Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
