Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
