her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
