my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
