guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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