You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
