i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
