there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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