I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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