Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
