Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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