Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
