i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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