We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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