i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
