Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
