Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
