even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
