I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
