Little spoons don't ask big questions
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
