I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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