Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
