I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
