3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
