We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
