did you get engaged???
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
