Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
