apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
please come you make the beer taste better
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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