Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
