You're my little dorito
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
