dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
