you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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