...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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