Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
