So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
