Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
