nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
