the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
