Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
