dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
